September 2007


In the spirit of the upcoming holiday I thought I’d post some nifty Halloween Related Urban Legends from now until the BIG DAY.

I’ve decided to start with

The Toilet Monster

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The toilet monster is a girl named Carmen who was pushed down into a sewer by her classmates and died. Carmen Whitehead lived in Indiana, so the story goes- and for some reason it’s important to mention that so I did.

Okay…back to the story.

So shortly after Carmen meets her death in the Sewer this post shows up at MySpace:

If you don’t repost this saying:

They Pushed Her Down The Sewer

Carmen will get you…

To fill you in, Carmen from Indiana will come up from you Shower or Toilet and drag you down to where she is in the sewers and then she’ll kill you.

I think it would be way more efficient to kill you first and then flush you down the toilet- but hey I didn’t write this.

I did however enjoy it because I can’t help but to wonder how many of you will think about Carmen The Indiana Toilet Monster the next time you visit the smallest room in the house.

I think that’s pretty darn funny.

Urban Legends…. just a little trick among the treats.

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you just know that werewolves love this one!

video by hank williams the 3rd

music and lyrics by Hank Williams Sr

 

I know there’s never been a man in the awful shape I’m in
I can’t even spell my name my head’s in such a spin
Today I tried to eat a steak with a big old table spoon
You got me chasin’ rabbits walkin’ on my hands and howlin’ on the moon

Well Sug I took one look at you and it almost drove me mad
And then I even want and lost what little sense I had
Now I can’t tell the day from night I’m crazy as a loon
You got me chasin’ rabbits pullin’ out my hair and howlin’ at the moon

Some friends of mine asked me to go out on a huntin’ spree
Cause there ain’t a hound dog in this state that can hold a light to me
I ate three bones for dinner today I tried to tree a coon
You got me chasin’ rabbits I’m scratchin’ fleas and howlin’ at the moon

I rode my horse to town today and a gaspump we did pass
I pulled him up and I hollered whoa and I said fill him up with gas
The man picked up a monkey wrench and wham he changed my tune
You got me chasin’ rabbitts spittin’ out teeth and howlin’ at the moon

I never thought in this old world a fool could fall so hard
But honey baby when I fell the whole world must have jarred
I think I’d quit my doggish ways if I’d take me for your goom
You got me chasin’ rabbitts pickin’ out rings and howlin’ at the moon

music and lyrics by Hank Williams Sr

 ”‘Member, don’t step on a grave or the ghost’ll haunt you!” taunted Louise.
Lacey and Mary Jean dodged behind her in a rapid game of follow the leader
through the old cemetery. All of the children came over here to play as, one
by one, they grew restless and received permission from their parents to
leave church early and run off their excess energy. The boys had gone to the
edges of the cemetery to climb the looming live oaks and the girls were
playing follow the leader through the graves. All of them had some family
member or ancestor buried here, and it was familiar and not at all scary by
daylight.

Mary Jean tripped on a rock and fell headlong into the rough grass. When
Louise and Lacey went to help her up, she was nursing a scraped shin and,
worse yet, a grass stain on her white Sunday dress. They helped her, crying,
back over to the church where her mother came out and took her over to the
pump to help her wash up. Louise slipped back into the church to listen to
more of the sermon (the preacher was still going strong, with no signs of
slowing down anytime soon) and Lacey sat down on the church steps to cool
off. Mary Jean’s mother called to her, and she hurried over to see what was
wanted.

“Lacey, Mary Jean lost her locket over there in the cemetery. She thinks she
had it until she fell. Could you go and see if you could find it for her?”

“Yes’m. I’ll go right now,” Lacey replied and dashed off, happy for
something to do.

“Now let’s see,” she said to herself, “I think we were over by the Johnson
family’s graves, ‘cause I remember that fancy headstone that their grandpa
has…” She poked around in the long grass near the grave to no avail, and was
about to give up when a glint of gold caught her eye. There was the locket,
just between the two furthest headstones…

She stood up, and leaned over, with one hand on the headstone to catch
herself. Quickly she grabbed the locket and was just standing back up when
footsteps sounded behind her and she was hit from behind. She lost her
balance and landed flat on her front across Mr. and Mrs. Johnson’s graves as
laughter sounded behind her.

She rolled over and saw Danny and Art doubled over, laughing hysterically.

“You looked so funny… you shoulda seen how you looked!” they whooped. “Hey
Lacey, you know if you step on a grave, the ghost’ll haunt you that night. I
bet, since you fell flat on your front on two graves, the ghosts’ll both
haunt you for the rest of your life! And one of them was Mrs. Johnson’s
grave!” The two boys ran off, laughing, to join the rest of the boys in the
trees.

Lacey felt tears coming to her eyes. Her dress was spoiled, her pride was
hurt, and she was terrified of ghosts. She struggled to her feet and ran,
sobbing, back over to the church where Mary Jean’s mother helped her clean
up and tried to comfort her. “It’s all right, honey. Those boys were just
being mean. You just wait until church is over and their daddies catch up
with them. They’ll be the ones crying then. And I’ll tell your mama that
your dress isn’t your fault. Thank you for finding Mary Jean’s locket for
her.”

“But the ghosts…the ghosts. I fell all over their graves and they’ll haunt
me forever. The boys said so. I know they’re right. I’m scared!”

“Honey, that old story started so that you children wouldn’t step on the old
graves with rotten coffins and fall into them. We were told the same thing
when we were children, for the same reason. It’s okay, honey, nobody’s going
to haunt you.”

But Lacey wasn’t so sure. Jimmy’s older brother had stepped on a grave once
and the ghost had haunted him.

After Sunday dinner, Lacey went down the road to play with Ruth. Ruth hadn’t
been at church today because she had hurt her foot and couldn’t get her
Sunday shoes on. “You fell on Mrs. Johnson’s grave?” Ruth asked, her eyes
growing round. “Mrs. Johnson’s?”

“I didn’t mean to. Danny and Art pushed me and I fell on both of the
Parsons’ graves. They made me get a stain on my Sunday dress, too. They’re
mean.”

“Never mind the dress. You fell on Mrs. Johnson’s grave. Mr. Johnson’s might
not be so bad, but Mrs. Johnson’s is. She really is going to haunt you for
that.”

“It wasn’t my fault, though. Anyway, Mary Jean’s mother says that the
grown-ups only tell us that to keep us from falling through the graves with
rotten coffins.” Lacey was feeling a little bit uneasy again.

“Still, Mrs. Johnson won’t like it. You remember what happened when those
boys ate the blackberries that grew in the ditch by her house, don’t you.
Even though she was already dead, she cursed those blackberries and they had
belly-aches for two days!”

“They had belly-aches because they were greedy and ate too many, including
the ones that weren’t ripe yet. They were there all afternoon, eating. I saw
them. If you ask me, they deserved belly-aches! Anyhow, Mrs. Johnson is dead
and doesn’t like things or not like them.”

“Well, maybe, but she didn’t like anyone trespassing on her property when
she was alive and I bet that includes her grave now that she’s dead. You
better be careful tonight. I wouldn’t go outside after dark, if I were you.
Mrs. Johnson – well, I just hope she doesn’t decide to haunt you forever.”
Ruth shivered, and they went back to playing with their paper dolls.

It was almost dark when Lacey started home. Ruth’s mother had invited her to
dinner so she had stayed for that, and then she and Ruth were having so much
fun it seemed like it got late really fast.

Lacey tried to put the thoughts of Mrs. Johnson and her ghost right out of
her head, but that was easier said than done, especially when Ruth reminded
her right before she left, “Remember, look out for the ghost!”

Lacey started to be brave and walk up the road but then she changed her mind
and ran. She pelted along through the early twilight in the deep shadows
under the overhanging trees by the road. She was used to the big old oak
trees, with their twisted limbs and hanging grey moss, but tonight they
seemed sinister. Every shadow made her jump sideways and every little
rustling sound in the weeds by the road made her run faster. Even though she
was running, it seemed to take forever to get home, and the last of the
twilight vanished into night as she pounded up the back porch steps at home.

“Oh, there you are,” said Mama, as Lacey entered the warm, bright kitchen.
“I was going to send one of your brothers to walk you home after they were
done with their chores in the barn! Since you’re here, run to the barn and
let them know you got home already, and then help with the chores out there,
please.”

Lacey looked out at the dark and gulped, but she didn’t argue. That wouldn’t
do any good at all – it would just get her in trouble. She turned and went
slowly back out onto the porch. She looked around carefully before she took
off at top speed for the barn, running along the straightest and clearest
path she knew.

The barn itself was warmly lit by lanterns and was filled with the
comforting sounds of the animals and her brothers tending them. She pitched
in and helped feed and water the livestock, and all too soon the chores were
finished. Her brothers grabbed a lantern and they all walked back to the
house together. With her brothers and the lantern there, Lacey didn’t feel
nearly so frightened, even though the moon had come up and dark clouds were
floating across it. It was a little bit chilly in the early autumn night,
and a slight breeze made the moss draping the trees sway eerily. They walked
back to the house in silence.

When they reached the porch, one of her brothers turned to her and said, “So
it was Mrs. Johnson’s grave you fell on this morning, and her husband’s too!”
He grinned mischievously. “Bet they’ll haunt you forever, not just for one
night!”

The boys laughed and ran into the house, leaving her standing there on the
dark porch.

Now she was doubly worried. Even if real ghosts didn’t come to haunt her,
her brothers would be playing tricks on her. She sighed and followed them
into the warm kitchen. The boys tried to tease her about it later in the
evening, but Mama had put her foot down and Papa said he would tan the hide
of the first boy who tried to play a trick on her and scared her.

That night, after Mama had tucked her in and taken the oil lamp away with
her, Lacey lay uneasily in the dark bedroom. She was too young to be allowed
a light in her room at night – the old farmhouse was made of pine and would
go up like a bonfire if it ever caught fire. She hadn’t even bothered to
ask. Mama would tell her she was silly to be scared, anyway.

Her room, usually comfortable and familiar, seemed strange tonight. The
pictures on the walls all seemed to depict something sinister, and the
closet had strange shadows in it. A thump, thump, thump sounded on the wall
outside of the house. Was that a tree limb in the wind? Or a ghost? Lacey
squeezed her eyes shut and pulled the pillow over her head.

She must have fallen asleep, because the next thing she knew, Mama was
shaking her and saying, “Get up Lacey, it’s time to help with breakfast.”

When she opened her eyes and came out from under the covers, Mama was gone.
It was still dark out, but morning always came early, so she pulled on her
clothes and padded out of her room in her bare feet towards the stairs.

The boys weren’t stirring yet, and usually they were up first to get the
wood for the stove and water from the pump before they went out to the
barn. That was odd, but maybe Papa had been up early and done it instead. A
cool breeze brushed her face as she started down the stairs – Mama must have
left the windows open last night. She could hear noises downstairs, so she
knew Mama was already in the kitchen.

As she started down the stairs, she heard a thump behind her – the door to
her room had just swung shut. Lacey frowned, but decided that the breeze
must have done it. Feeling a little bit unsettled, she continued down the
stairs dodging the school books stacked along the sides where she and her
brothers had left them ready for the morning. Two steps from the bottom, she
tripped – one of the piles seemed to have moved right in front of her. She
grabbed the railing and caught herself, and when she looked back, the piles
were all where they were supposed to be, by the wall.

“Lacey!” came from the kitchen, and Lacey knew she better hurry. When she
passed the front door, the doorknob rattled. Her heart pounding, Lacey
dashed past it and into the front room. A warm glow came from an oil lamp on
the dining room table, but as soon as she stepped into the dining room, it
flickered and went out. She heard a tapping at the window and stopped, and
when she turned to look she saw a faintly glowing face hovering at the
window. It smiled at her, an evil, chilling smile showing pointed teeth, and
it was moving closer to the window pane. Lacey screamed and ran into the
kitchen. Mama’s back was to her and Lacey ran up to her and buried her face
in Mama’s skirt, crying.

Mama started to turn around, and then Lacey noticed that Mama’s skirt
smelled funny – not just funny, but bad, like dirt and rot. She jerked back
just as the figure turned and a chilling face looked down at her. Rotting
teeth showed behind shrunken lips and flesh pulled away from the dull eyes
showing the bony sockets around them. The lamp in the kitchen suddenly went
out.

“I don’t like trespassers. Good little girls stay off other people’s
property, now don’t they?”

The figure moved closer to Lacey and she backed up some more.

“I didn’t mean to…Danny and Art pushed me…I’m sorry…” Lacey stammered, tears
clogging her throat and her heart pounding. The clock in the front room
began striking the hour. Bong, bong, bong, bong…

“You thought I’d haunt you for the rest of your life, didn’t you? You were
right, you know, my dear. Where ever you go, I’ll be there, all the rest of
your life. Time doesn’t mean anything to me anymore.”… Bong, bong, bong,
bong…

Terrified, Lacey kept moving away from the looming figure.

“On the other hand, if you want to visit me so much that you’re crawling on
my grave, maybe you should come with me.” A horrible smile split the thing’s
face. The figure moved closer to Lacey again as she backed into the pantry.
Lacey could smell the decay coming from the figure… Bong, bong, bong, bong…
Midnight.

Sobbing, Lacey bumped into the flour barrel just as the clock stopped
chiming and the figure reached out for her. A bony hand gripped her shoulder
and she screamed.

“Lacey! Lacey!” The hand on her shoulder shook her hard. “Miss Lacey!”
Lacey opened her eyes and stared back at the worried face of the young
nurse’s aide.

“Miss Lacey, are you all right? That must have been a bad one!” the young
woman was clearly concerned.

“You’re new, aren’t you?” Lacey answered, sighing and shaking her head.
“It’s just the same nightmare I’ve had every night for the last seventy-five
years of my life, ever since I was ten years old. You’d think I’d be used to
it by now, but every night it hits me like it did the first time.”

“Seventy-five years?” The nurse was incredulous. “Surely something could be
done…”

“No, dear, Mrs. Johnson said she’d haunt me for the rest of my life and she
meant it. Mrs. Johnson never said anything she didn’t mean,” Lacey said to
the puzzled aide. The little clock Lacey kept by the bed beeped the hour and
she glanced at it. It was midnight.

Lacey looked back to the aide. Her eyes widened, and she blanched. Over
the young woman’s shoulder Lacey could see a bony figure with the rotting
teeth and shriveled flesh. It was smiling at her from behind the aide and it
reached out to her with a bony hand.

“Are you ready to come visit me now? I think it’s time.”

-She Wolf (c) 2007

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In the town of Bury, Washington there is a street named Fatal Lane.

The Planning Department in Bury changed it’s name to the less obvious name of 51st Ave West because there were always accidents or underage drinking or people in gray and black robes drawing pentagrams and runes on the trees and then someone did something to Mrs. Machin’s cat Darwin that snapped  Bury’s last nerve.

Darwin came home one Halloween with a pentagram shaved onto the top of his head and Mrs. Machin took Darwin, her shotgun and about a dozen angry pet lovers to the next City Council meeting and she spoke for about 15 minutes on those ” Looney Tunes ” from Seattle coming out to Bury to look for ghosts.

At that point she launched into a long and colorful speech about the lack of mental health care in our health care system and how that would be responsible for ending the world, as we know it.

Then Adeen launched into a speech about going Green.

It’s not like the Council could stop her from talking because she’d called ahead and had herself put on the agenda. And nobody in Bury was going to try and pull that gun out of her hands because it was loaded.

As a matter of fact it was always loaded

Everyone in Bury knew you could end up with a backside full of shot for no other reason then Adeen was trigger happy and she had a very bad tempter. Even a few ‘ Looney Tunes’ from Seattle learned that fact the hardway.

To placate Mrs. Machin, because at one point instead of waving Darwin around she waved the gun around and blew a hole in the ceiling a motion to recommend the street of Fatal Lane be renamed 51st Ave West was made and passed by the City Council.

” And what purpose will that serve? ” Mrs. Machin asked with gun firmly in hand.

” Well Adeen, it’s not likely that those Ghost Hunter TV shows are going to want to waste air time talking about 51st Ave West and it’s high traffic fatality rate are they?” asked one Councilman.

One of the Councilwomen said from under the table, ” they’ll end up sounding like a traffic report on the five o’clock news Adeen. It’s that darned name that makes it sound Supernatural. Fatal Lane. Who was the Mental Defective that gave it that name anyway?”

” It was your Grandfather Marisol. And get up off the floor would you?” the Mayor said as he rubbed his forehead.

” Look Adeen, we’ll Fatal  turn it into a one way one lane street. Nobody will be able to park out there and you know how ticket happy…. I mean diligent our Officers are about traffic enforcement. It’s a start, all right? “

Adeen Machin stared up at the hole in the ceiling and then she spit some plaster out of her mouth. ” Fine, but if Darwin or anyone else’s pet gets abused again 51st Ave goes back to being Fatal Lane…. do we have an agreement?”

Somebody from in back of the room made a motion to Adeen’s proposal.

And it passed.

51st Ave W turned up on Maps and Fatal Lane disappeared and then stories new stories about a lost road in the town of Bury that spirits used to travel to the next world turned up.

That same year Darwin came home, two days before Halloween with a goat’s head drawn onto his side with White Out.

On Halloween Mrs. Machin and her friends went out to Fatal Lane and waited for ” those loonies ” to show up.

Mrs. Machin was the first to step out onto the road and when the robed figures saw the all five foot nothing of Mrs. Machin they tried, to their credit, not to laugh.

Only when the five foot nothing Mrs. Machin held Darwin up they did laugh and the rest of Mrs. Machin’s friends came from the shadows the laughter…. died.

” So tell me, educate me please ” Adeen said in a low roar ” why you lot insist on coming up here and tormenting us for every damned Halloween.”

” This road is a path to the next world, it’s cursed, and that’s why people disappear from here- never to be seen again.”

Adeen practically choked ” Are you out of your minds?” This road doesn’t go into the next world; this road leads straight to the back door of Fallen Prison. That’s why they call it Fatal Lane you numbskulls. This is the road the Prison uses to transport the condemned on.”

 No it’s not, ” said a young woman who forgot to speak through clenched teeth these returning her voice to its naturally sounding shrill state. ” Fallen is shut down, there aren’t any executions going on out there.”

Adeen raised her shotgun to her shoulder. ” Guess again…okay people let’s go.”

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Jane said she expected to see a ghost in the steeple.  Take another look, Jane.   It’s Mrs. Parsons!    :)

 

Lori Gloyd (c) 2007

by Lori

It’s all a matter of perspective……….

Lori Gloyd (c) 2007

by imogen 

Something occurred to me from looking at Anita Marie’s graphics.  It appears the old mansions seem to make the best spaces for ghosts.  We have some in the area, and though they are inhabited, some of them still look spooky, especially the grand Victoriana styles and early Edwardian. 

Do old castles all look haunted, or seem suitably haunted?  Modern places, even when they are empty, don’t have that special charm.  What is it about these homes?  Or not homes?  Does a house have to be old to be haunted?

Often it is said that theatres are haunted, and there is always a story to go with it.  And not just one, check out the link – Imogen Crest

                                         by Lori

This is a true story I wrote for last year’s Halloween blog. Be sure to read the new Postscript.

The church I attend meets in a wooden building that is about 60 years old. By the standards of the area, this is an ancient structure. It is a pleasant building in the day time— well-kept and conservative. When it is full of people, it is a cheerful place, as it should be.

However, at night, after the congregation has gone home and the lights are extinguished, the building sits in darkness, its bell tower and spire looming over the neighborhood. Several people have told me that they have seen the lights flipping on and off as they’ve driven by at night. Of course, this could simply be our pastor who comes and goes at all hours. Also, lots of people have keys to the place and being volunteers they work on their various projects and ministries whenever they can, including after dark. So it wouldn’t seem strange for lights to be flipping on and off at night.

Several people have told me they have heard all sorts of odd sounds in the building. Well, wooden structures creak, pop and thump with the temperature changes. Also, in the winter, when the steam is turned on, the pipes rattle and shimmy. Finally, the noises could be raccoons, possums and pigeons banging around in the walls of the church.

So you see, everything can be explained.

I’m one of those volunteers who sometimes works alone in the building, and for some reason I avoid going up to the sanctuary by myself. For reasons I can’t explain, I always have an odd feeling that I’m being watched particularly from the balcony. I keep looking over my shoulder. Perhaps I’m just remembering the story I had heard of the homeless man who broke in a few years ago and slept in the pews at night. One night, this homeless man leaped up and scared the pants off the pastor when he was discovered. Maybe that’s what I’m remembering.

Oh, did I mention that I am never, ever go up there alone at night. Ever.

One day, in late afternoon, just as darkness was falling, I was in the basement of the church, setting up for a meeting. I was alone. In the basement, I don’t get that same feeling of being watched–that feeling that someone else is there when they aren’t. So I was fine, happily setting out chairs and getting ready for the others who would be coming in another half hour.

A few minutes later, however, to my chagrin, I discovered that the laptop computer which I needed for the meeting was not downstairs. It was upstairs, in the sanctuary where I never, ever go alone at night.

I hesitated for a moment but then realized how incredibly stupid and silly I was acting. So I took a breath and charged upstairs. I hurried through the sanctuary, fumbled with my keys to open the appropriate doors as quickly as I could, grabbed the laptop and scampered back down to safety of the basement. See, silly, there’s no one up there, I told myself.

I placed the laptop on the table and continued to prepare for the meeting. I was there for just a little less than a minute when I heard a noise. I froze and caught my breath. Slowly I looked up at the ceiling. I heard the floor boards creaking above me as if someone was walking through the sanctuary. There were only a few steps, but they sounded like they were moving down the central aisle from the platform towards the narthex. Only a few steps. Then, nothing.

I felt my skin goose and the hair on my arms stand up. I had just been up there in the sanctuary. There had been no one up there! There were no other cars in the lot, and even if there were, no one would be coming in the upstairs doors-they would come in the downstairs entrance for the meeting. There should be no one up there.

Just as I was about ready to leave and wait in the parking lot, I heard a car door slam. To my relief, another committee member had arrived. When he came in I asked him if he had seen anyone leaving through the upstairs exits. He hadn’t. I was going to mention the noise but suddenly I began to feel silly and embarrassed again, and decided I wouldn’t mention it.

It’s just the physics of an old building I told myself.

But to this day, I will not go upstairs by myself. Never, ever, and certainly not at night.

Lori Gloyd (c) 2006, 2007

————————

Post Script: Our youth pastor read this to our youth group last year and I was told later that every one of the kids was spell-bound as the story unfolded. Now that was truly a compliment………

And, just two weeks ago, a bunch of us were chatting in the parking lot. One of our group pointed to a window on the top floor of the main building and noted that the light was on in storage room where the Easter and Advent decorations were kept. No one ever goes into that room except in Spring and December. This was August. I quipped that it might be the ghost. Funny, no one laughed.

by Vi 

I have a story to tell that is creepy and true. Most of you know I was born and raised in Wales and it was in that mysterious country that my story takes place. My father worked as a chauffeur for a wealthy man and because of that we lived in a cottage on the  estate.

As a child, I roamed the grounds, happy in my world, which I felt was full of adventure. My father’s best buddy was also a chauffeur. He was in the employ of Old Mrs. Powell who amused me the few times I saw her because she used a ear trumpet. She lived at Nanteos Mansion which was reputed to be haunted.

I was there on a number of occasions with my father when he was visiting his friend.  Old Mrs. Powel wasMargaret Powell who lived there from 1861 until her death in 1951. She was, I believe, the last of the Powell family to live there. But back to my story.  In those days, the place was creepy, at least it was to my child’s mind. While my father was visiting with his friend, I roamed the grounds much like I did at home at Plas Hendre, talking to the trees and the animals that I considered my friends.   Often I would look up at the windows of the old mansion and I believed I saw ghostly figures looking back at me. The place was reputed to be haunted then, as it is now.  

I clearly remember…it was early one winter evening and I was waiting for my father. Our car, a small Austin seven, was parked at the end of a long imposing driveway. It was getting dark and I was wandering around in the vicinity of the vehicle when I heard the most terrifying screech. I was scared out of my shoes. I jumped into the car and lay down in the back, on the floor.

Now they tell me that all I heard was an owl. But I had heard owls before and they had never scared me. This was an out of this world screech. I don’t care what they say, what I heard that night was no owl. I’m convinced to this day that it was something out of this world.   

I never went to Nanteos again. The Powell family no longer lives there and it has become a hotel. I think if I visit Wales again, I should stay there and put to rest my conviction that the spirits that roam the corridors and grounds of Nanteos are friendly. I’m sure Old Mrs. Powell roams the rooms and corridors hearing all with her ear trumpet.

Vi

If you would like to learn more about Nanteos visit the following sites:

 http://www.geocities.com/janjoeluk/Nanteos_Mansion.html?20072http://www.nanteos.co.uk/history.html      

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You’re about to meet Mrs Parsons…this may look like the

end of her story

but of course it’s not.

Come On In

and Meet Mrs Parsons.

When I was a kid our next door neighbor was a nice old lady named Mrs. Hanley Parsons.

She lived all alone in a house full of old fashioned furniture that looked brand new and she always wore black dresses and around her neck she wore a string of pearls and her wristwatch didn’t have numbers on it.

In fact, none of the clocks in Mrs. Hanley Parson’s House had numbers on them.

Once I asked Mrs. Parsons about her faceless clocks and she said, “Time and I had a parting of ways years ago, but I like clocks, I like the sounds they make. Do you understand what I mean?”

I nodded and said ” No.”

Mrs. Parsons laughed and she offered me a plate of cookies (almond) and I took one. ” I make them myself. In the old days I used to do a lot of baking and cooking. I stopped though.”

” Why’d you stop? “

” Oh, I fell into a career. And in those days women didn’t have jobs outside the home let alone careers. So I lost my husband and my children and even my family. With no one to make a home for, my domestic skills…” she seemed to be looking for the right word on the ceiling ” suffered.”

” Just because you got a job? ” I asked in disbelief.

” A career ” Mrs.Parsons told me. ” A job is something you do for a living. A career is something you become.”

” Did you like what you used to do? “

” Very much so.”

” Do you miss it? ” I asked.

Mrs. Parsons nodded and said, ” It gave me purpose.”

I liked Mrs. Parsons, she taught me how to read when I was only five years old and by the time I started Kindergarten I was reading at the first grade level. By the first grade I was reading two years up.

All because of Mrs. Parsons.

Mrs. Parsons also taught me how start pumpkin plants in Dixie cups and how to prune Roses.

But no matter what we were doing, or how well I learned her lessons she would always get a little sad when she talked about the old days and her career.

When I was about 8 years old my parents told me we were moving away from Seattle and I went next door to tell Mrs. Parsons.

” Well, ” she said, ” that’s very sad news. I’m going to miss you. You’re very good company.”

” Mrs. Parsons ” I asked, ” do you think you could teach me your career? That way I could remember you always.”

Mrs. Parsons laughed and she said, ” I’ll make you a deal, I’ll teach you part of my job and you decide in the end if it’s something you like doing.”

So Mrs. Parsons told me to go down to her basement and look under the steps and to bring up the little wicker basket. I carried the basket upstairs to the kitchen where Mrs. Parsons was dusting her fresh baked almond cookies with powdered sugar.

I put the basket on the table and she reached in and slowly removed the contents and sat them on the table in front of us. ” So, where to start.” she said to herself.

 I looked up at her and shrugged and said. ” At once upon a time?”

Mrs. Parsons laughed and that’s how it started.

I learned about Mrs. Parsons career every day for about a week, and then one day I went to Mrs. Parson’s house and a man answered the door.

He was Mrs. Parson’s son and he told me she had died.

Just as I was about to turn away he reached down and handed me the little wicker basket and said, ” I suppose this is yours.”

I nodded and kept my hands behind my back.

Mrs. Parson’s Son looked a little nervous and he sat the basket down and slid it towards me with his foot and when he stepped back I reached down and picked it up.

I didn’t say thank you and looking back on it, I don’t think he expected me too.

So now at the age of 42, I still have that wicker basket (my cat uses it for a bed) and on the top shelf of my bookcase pushed against the wall is a fully functional hangman’s noose.

It’s all that left of Mrs. Parson’s career.

Unless you count this story of course.

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