Excorcising the Dog
an unusually short play
by yours truly

 

 

 

 

The Players : Madison Cartwright: Madison speaks with a Southern drawl. Her bawdy attire, slow colloquial speech, and winsome smile mask an acute perception. She’s about twenty-nine.

Phillip Smith: Phillip is a rookie attorney dressed appropriately in a suit and tie. He considers Madison a bawdy con-artist and treats her accordingly. Madison is brighter than he is, something he’s vaguely aware of, but unwilling to acknowledge — this makes him prone to outbursts, which he attempts to control for George’s benefit.

George Davies: George is also an attorney, albeit an older, wiser attorney. Somewhat stocky, and very calm, he takes the ensuing conversation in stride — investigations are a matter of form for him. Unlike Phillip, George is careful.

The Set : The players sit at a wooden conference table. They may have cups of coffee or tea. A tape recorder sits on the table, recording the conversation for the attorneys’ benefit.

part iii : my dogs have all their shots

George: Who explained to you that Fred exorcised — performed an exorcism, on the woman in the park?

Madison: That would have been the Senator.

George: The Senator.

Madison: The lady’s husband. You know. Senator –

George: Yes, I know the Senator.

Madison: So you see, I didn’t say Fred had exorcised anybody. I just said this sick lady in the park started floating around, and Fred barked at her a few times, and she came down.

Phillip: And word just leaked out?

Madison: Well I guess it must have, because the calls started coming. First there was that lady with the little kid — the one with the long tongue. Then there was that man in San Francisco.

George: What seemed to be wrong with the man in San Francisco?

Madison: Well, I don’t rightly know, but the people on the phone were all fired up, so Fred and I went on out. We took Booker, of course –

Phillip: Booker?

Madison: That’s my other dog. Booker.

Phillip: Does Booker perform exorcisms as well?

Madison: Certainly not. Why Booker took one look at that woman in the park and wanted nothing to do with her. Booker is a very fastidious dog. He doesn’t like to get dirty.

George: Was there any particular reason you took Booker with you?

Madison: Well what do you expect me to do? Leave Booker all alone at home while Fred and I go off to San Francisco? Of course we took Booker.

George: What does Booker do, while you and Fred are performing exorcisms?

Madison: Now look, I never said I perform exorcisms. Fred just barks at people. Once in a while he licks them — usually the children.

George: What does Booker do while Fred is barking at people and licking children?

Madison: He just waits downstairs with whoever called — usually the family, but sometimes it’s just friends wanting to help out. Booker is a very outgoing dog. He likes people — but he doesn’t much care for people who fly and spit green stuff.

George: How many dogs do you have, Miss Cartwright?

Madison: Just Booker and Fred.

George: Would you say they’re ordinary dogs?

Madison: I love my dogs Mr. Davies. I wouldn’t call them ordinary.

George: But would you say there is anything unusual about your dogs?

Madison: Nothing strange, if that’s what you mean. Four feet, a tail, all the right stuff if you’re a dog.

Phillip: Are your dogs licensed, Miss Cartwright?

Madison: Well, I used to be kind of lax about that. But when all this hoopla started, I took them right down and got them registered.

Phillip: And when was that?

Madison: Right about the time you folks started nosing around. [Staring hard at Phillip.] They’ve got all their shots too.

 

to be continued….

 

 

exorcising the dog : part i
exorcising the dog : part ii
exorcising the dog : part iii
exorcising the dog : part iv

 

*originally published on seemaxrun and celluloid blonde, winner utah shorts theater competition, originally performed by theatre works west at babcock theater & salt lake city’s festival of the arts