Author Archive for anita64



27
Oct

Witch’s Fingers

COOKIES..THESE ARE COOKIES!

REALLY… THEY’RE  JUST…….

COOKIES

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Makes about 60 cookies

1 cup (250 mL) butter, softened
1 cup (250 mL) icing sugar
1 egg
1 teaspoon (5 mL) almond extract
1 teaspoon (5 mL) vanilla
2 3/4 cups (675 mL) all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon (5 mL) baking powder
1 teaspoon (5 mL) salt
3/4 cup (175 mL) whole blanched almonds
1 tube (19 g) red piping gel

In a bowl, beat together butter, icing sugar, egg, almond extract and vanilla; beat in flour, baking powder and salt. Cover and refrigerate for 30 minutes.

Working with one-quarter of the dough at a time and keeping remaining dough refrigerated, roll heaping teaspoonfuls into finger shapes. Press almond firmly onto one end for nail. Press in centre to create knuckle shape.

Using paring knife, make slashes in several places to form knuckle lines. Bake on lightly greased baking sheet in 325 degrees F (160 C) oven for 20 to 25 minutes or until pale golden.

Let cool for 3 minutes.

 Lift up almond; squeeze red decorator gel onto nail bed and press almond back in place so gel oozes out from underneath. Remove from baking sheets; let cool on racks.

Approximate nutritional content per serving: Calories 71. Protein 1 g. Fat 4 g. Carbohydrates 7 g. Dietary fibre 0 g.

from Spooky Times

26
Oct

Soliloquy At Anita’s Bridge

In this story are doorways to some Macabre Tales

by a Macabre

Writer.

enjoy

and

Happy Halloween

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Last Year

after it rained

an old retaining wall

Under Anita’s Owl Creek Bridge gave way

and 

Fir Trees and Hemlocks and Cedars

and chunks of thin white clay

slid down into onto Old Creek Road.

 

An Old Cemetery called Mourning Ridge

gave up some of it’s occupants

and the broken and ruined coffins littered the road

like confetti.

 

Mr Butcherbroom and his wife were the first to come down

to look at the damage.

 

Mrs Butherbroom looked up at the Bridge and cursed

Mr Butherbroom swore

Mrs Butherbroom asked

 the darkness

that always seems to hang around Anita’s Bridge like fog

“ Do you think it’s still here? ”

 

Mr Butherbroom took his wife’s arm and they walked

away

and

from under Anita’s Bridge

The Creek gurgled and turned

and

it sounded

like

laughter.

 

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25
Oct

Mummy Power!

As you may know Halloween Is Coming

Here’s a song about a Mummy-

Okay, you know this isn’t what you think it’s going to be about, right?

So enjoy.

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16
Oct

Jeremy Bentham’s Head Fell Off

Jeremy Bentham was an interesting guy who advocated for things like equal rights for women,  the abolition of slavery and many other great and important things. 

Among those things, I learned, Jeremy Bentham had written into his Will that his body be preserved, stored in a cabinet and brought out for special board meetings.

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University College, London England

Then one day his head, which was not preserved well…fell off. So they made a wax one and stuck his real head between his feet ( see picture above) .

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Jeremy Bentham’s Head

I’m sorry to say I couldn’t have made this stuff up.

God, I wish I had.

 

Jeremy Bentham (26 February [O.S. 15 February 15] 1748) – June 6, 1832) was an English jurist, philosopher, and legal and social reformer. He was a political radical and a leading theorist in Anglo-American philosophy of law. He is best known as an early advocate of utilitarianism and fair treatment of animals who influenced the development of liberalism.

15
Oct

Devil’s Luck

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Did you ever have one of those days when everything went wrong?

Maybe you knew it was going to be bad when your alarm went off  20 minutes too early and to make it worse it was one of those nights where you woke up every half hour and when you got out of bed you knew, you could feel it was going to get much worse.

Veta Trella had a night like that.

After she got out of bed she went  to take a shower and as she stepped into her tub she slipped but was lucky enough to break her fall with her knees.

That  was okay because Veta wasn’t the kind of person anyone paid attention to so if she had to limp and shuffle no one was going to notice.

That was the only lucky break Veta had for the rest of the day.

When Veta dried her hair she was distracted by the sizzling sound the wires made everytime she turned her wrist and just before her hair was completely dry some blue sparks flew out of the wall and all of the lights in Veta’s house went out and stayed out. 

She guessed all of those black scorch marks all over her walls by the electrical outlets she saw on the way to her basement to check her fuse box was not a good sign.

When Veta  finally made it out thedoor she looked down in time to see her that not only were her shoes not tied, they were different colors and just as she turned to go back into her house the door swung shut and she knew that not only was the door locked she had never taken her keys out of the candy bowl she kept them in.

But none of that mattered for very long because as she took  a step she tripped on her laces and went face first into the door.

It was only a matter of seconds- not minutes before her nose started to swell and she could feel her lips start to go numb. She poked at her face and sighed and then Veta walked around to her back yard.

She walked slowly up the steps to her back porch and when she reached down to pick up a little clay flowerpot to break the little glass window in center of the porch door she felt her fingernail peel back and then it came off with a sting.

She held her hand up, looked at raw  finger tip and sighed.

Veta made it through her kitchen safe enough but when she got to the living room she scared her cat Blitzer right off of the couch he knew wasn’t suppose to be on.

Veta didn’t have the heart or energy to yell at him because she shouldn’t have had to break into her own house and put herself in the position to scare her black cat into running straight across her path.

In fact, he was so startled by her that he jumped straight up onto the mantle piece above the fireplace and sent Veta’s antique mirror crashing to the floor where it didn’t just break.

It smashed into millions of little shards and a cloud of dust and glass wafted up and into Veta’s face- Veta’s bruised and swollen face that was now in the process of working it’s way into a full fledged allergy attack.

” Oh, why the Hell not ” Veta said and then she sneezed and her nose started to bleed- all over her brand new white blouse.

When Veta made it to her bus- well it wasn’t her usual bus because she missed her regular bus- she almost tripped over a woman who had suddenly stopped to pick something up off of the ground and that sent Veta and her things flying  in about four different directions.

Veta sort of shuffled and cringed all the way to the back of the bus and when she sat down it was on something wet and sticky and she closed her eyes and when she opened them she looked up and then down and then from her left to her right and then slowly behind her. When she was done she slouched down and held her belongings to her chest and tried to make herself breathe.

 She thought if she concentrated on doing just that she wouldn’t start screaming.

Then the woman Veta had tripped over took the seat right in front of her and she was jabbering and laughing and chatting away to the very good-looking man next to her.

” Can you believe it? ” she sang, ” first I find a hundred dollar bill right there on the curb on the very morning I’m thinking I’m going to for sure  miss my bus and then…” she leaned towards her seat mate and nudged him with her shoulder ” you ask me out and look! “

 She was holding her phone up and the man read the text message and he congratulated the woman on her promotion and then he moved a little closer to her and put his arm over the back of her seat.

” I mean, I don’t know where all of this is coming from.  I’ve never had luck like this before!”

” My Grandma would have said you have the luck of the Devil ” he told the woman happily.

And then Veta reached over she tapped them each on the shoulder.

When they turned around they were looking straight into Veta’s bright yellow eyes which were ringed with bruises and they saw the little white horns she normally hid under her blow dried hair and then her forked tongue shot from under her broken nose and swollen lips and she hissed “ your Grandma is liar.”

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12
Oct

In Memory Of A Practical Man

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Mattie Greaves sat across from Mr. Sawyer Day, the owner of a small and all but forgotten funeral home in Seattle, Washington and together they were quietly discussing  a suitable coffin for Mattie’s husband Tabor.

” My husband is a practical man ” Mattie told Mr. Day ” and he wouldn’t like anything with those fancy gold handles and he certainly wouldn’t approve of things like this ” Mattie was pointing at a catalog opened to a  glossy page of coffins painted blue and gold and even black with ducks and eagles flying around their edges.

” I understand ” Mr. Day said ” and I have several models for you to consider that are more traditional. I’m sure we can find one here that your husband would approve of. “

Mr. Day is almost 65 and he had taken over Morning Ridge Funeral Home from his Mother’s family right after he had turned 30. He had started working there right after he turned 16 so that means that for over 50 years Mr. Sawyer Day had heard and seen it all.

So when Mattie Greaves asked if the traditional model she was looking at came with a comfortable pillow Mr. Day didn’t even look up. ” From what I understand it does, however in the past some of our families have brought in their own blankets and pillows. “

” My husband is very fond of candy as well. ” Mattie whispered. ” Now his doctor told  him he needs to give up sweets but you know, he’s along in years and he’s been through so much. I ask you Mr. Day how could I take away his salt water taffy?”

” My Mother was the same way, she was fond of her Cuban Cigars. Not only did she refuse to give them up we could never figure out how she got her hands on them to begin with. In the end, we just let it go.”

” So of course I can…”

” Of course you can Mrs. Greaves, whatever you think would have made your husband happy.”

After going through a few more books Mattie decided on a solid oak model with bronze handles and a lovely cream colored liner. She passed on the flowers.

” He’s allergic ” she told Mr. Day.

Mr. Day and Mattie went through numbers and she was about to pull out her check book when Mr. Day said, ” We’re almost finished Mrs. Greaves all we have to do is discuss your choice of a grave liners..

Mattie dropped her checkbook on the table and looked at Mr. Day for almost two minutes before her face turned a little red and tears welled up in her eyes., ” Oh my, that sounds so final.”

” Mrs. Greaves, I’m very sorry.  I don’t mean to rush you. If you need more time to go over…”

” No Mr Day…you’ve been very kind and patient with me. It’s my fault. I’m the one who has been doing the rushing. I should have explained…my husband just needs a coffin until the one he normally uses arrives from back home.”

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07
Oct

Last Laugh

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Get Your Tombstone HERE!

07
Oct

You Are A Pumpkin Head!

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You Are

an  

Angry Pumpkin Face

You would make a good smashed pumpkin.

What’s Your Pumpkin Face?

13
Sep

The Indiana Toilet Monster

In the spirit of the upcoming holiday I thought I’d post some nifty Halloween Related Urban Legends from now until the BIG DAY.

I’ve decided to start with

The Toilet Monster

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The toilet monster is a girl named Carmen who was pushed down into a sewer by her classmates and died. Carmen Whitehead lived in Indiana, so the story goes- and for some reason it’s important to mention that so I did.

Okay…back to the story.

So shortly after Carmen meets her death in the Sewer this post shows up at MySpace:

If you don’t repost this saying:

They Pushed Her Down The Sewer

Carmen will get you…

To fill you in, Carmen from Indiana will come up from you Shower or Toilet and drag you down to where she is in the sewers and then she’ll kill you.

I think it would be way more efficient to kill you first and then flush you down the toilet- but hey I didn’t write this.

I did however enjoy it because I can’t help but to wonder how many of you will think about Carmen The Indiana Toilet Monster the next time you visit the smallest room in the house.

I think that’s pretty darn funny.

Urban Legends…. just a little trick among the treats.

13
Sep

Howlin’ At The Moon

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you just know that werewolves love this one!

video by hank williams the 3rd

music and lyrics by Hank Williams Sr

 

I know there’s never been a man in the awful shape I’m in
I can’t even spell my name my head’s in such a spin
Today I tried to eat a steak with a big old table spoon
You got me chasin’ rabbits walkin’ on my hands and howlin’ on the moon

Well Sug I took one look at you and it almost drove me mad
And then I even want and lost what little sense I had
Now I can’t tell the day from night I’m crazy as a loon
You got me chasin’ rabbits pullin’ out my hair and howlin’ at the moon

Some friends of mine asked me to go out on a huntin’ spree
Cause there ain’t a hound dog in this state that can hold a light to me
I ate three bones for dinner today I tried to tree a coon
You got me chasin’ rabbits I’m scratchin’ fleas and howlin’ at the moon

I rode my horse to town today and a gaspump we did pass
I pulled him up and I hollered whoa and I said fill him up with gas
The man picked up a monkey wrench and wham he changed my tune
You got me chasin’ rabbitts spittin’ out teeth and howlin’ at the moon

I never thought in this old world a fool could fall so hard
But honey baby when I fell the whole world must have jarred
I think I’d quit my doggish ways if I’d take me for your goom
You got me chasin’ rabbitts pickin’ out rings and howlin’ at the moon

music and lyrics by Hank Williams Sr