September 2007


In the spirit of the upcoming holiday I thought I’d post some nifty Halloween Related Urban Legends from now until the BIG DAY.

I’ve decided to start with

The Toilet Monster

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The toilet monster is a girl named Carmen who was pushed down into a sewer by her classmates and died. Carmen Whitehead lived in Indiana, so the story goes- and for some reason it’s important to mention that so I did.

Okay…back to the story.

So shortly after Carmen meets her death in the Sewer this post shows up at MySpace:

If you don’t repost this saying:

They Pushed Her Down The Sewer

Carmen will get you…

To fill you in, Carmen from Indiana will come up from you Shower or Toilet and drag you down to where she is in the sewers and then she’ll kill you.

I think it would be way more efficient to kill you first and then flush you down the toilet- but hey I didn’t write this.

I did however enjoy it because I can’t help but to wonder how many of you will think about Carmen The Indiana Toilet Monster the next time you visit the smallest room in the house.

I think that’s pretty darn funny.

Urban Legends…. just a little trick among the treats.

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you just know that werewolves love this one!

video by hank williams the 3rd

music and lyrics by Hank Williams Sr

 

I know there’s never been a man in the awful shape I’m in
I can’t even spell my name my head’s in such a spin
Today I tried to eat a steak with a big old table spoon
You got me chasin’ rabbits walkin’ on my hands and howlin’ on the moon

Well Sug I took one look at you and it almost drove me mad
And then I even want and lost what little sense I had
Now I can’t tell the day from night I’m crazy as a loon
You got me chasin’ rabbits pullin’ out my hair and howlin’ at the moon

Some friends of mine asked me to go out on a huntin’ spree
Cause there ain’t a hound dog in this state that can hold a light to me
I ate three bones for dinner today I tried to tree a coon
You got me chasin’ rabbits I’m scratchin’ fleas and howlin’ at the moon

I rode my horse to town today and a gaspump we did pass
I pulled him up and I hollered whoa and I said fill him up with gas
The man picked up a monkey wrench and wham he changed my tune
You got me chasin’ rabbitts spittin’ out teeth and howlin’ at the moon

I never thought in this old world a fool could fall so hard
But honey baby when I fell the whole world must have jarred
I think I’d quit my doggish ways if I’d take me for your goom
You got me chasin’ rabbitts pickin’ out rings and howlin’ at the moon

music and lyrics by Hank Williams Sr

 “‘Member, don’t step on a grave or the ghost’ll haunt you!” taunted Louise.
Lacey and Mary Jean dodged behind her in a rapid game of follow the leader
through the old cemetery. All of the children came over here to play as, one
by one, they grew restless and received permission from their parents to
leave church early and run off their excess energy. The boys had gone to the
edges of the cemetery to climb the looming live oaks and the girls were
playing follow the leader through the graves. All of them had some family
member or ancestor buried here, and it was familiar and not at all scary by
daylight.

Mary Jean tripped on a rock and fell headlong into the rough grass. When
Louise and Lacey went to help her up, she was nursing a scraped shin and,
worse yet, a grass stain on her white Sunday dress. They helped her, crying,
back over to the church where her mother came out and took her over to the
pump to help her wash up. Louise slipped back into the church to listen to
more of the sermon (the preacher was still going strong, with no signs of
slowing down anytime soon) and Lacey sat down on the church steps to cool
off. Mary Jean’s mother called to her, and she hurried over to see what was
wanted.

“Lacey, Mary Jean lost her locket over there in the cemetery. She thinks she
had it until she fell. Could you go and see if you could find it for her?”

“Yes’m. I’ll go right now,” Lacey replied and dashed off, happy for
something to do.

“Now let’s see,” she said to herself, “I think we were over by the Johnson
family’s graves, ‘cause I remember that fancy headstone that their grandpa
has…” She poked around in the long grass near the grave to no avail, and was
about to give up when a glint of gold caught her eye. There was the locket,
just between the two furthest headstones…

She stood up, and leaned over, with one hand on the headstone to catch
herself. Quickly she grabbed the locket and was just standing back up when
footsteps sounded behind her and she was hit from behind. She lost her
balance and landed flat on her front across Mr. and Mrs. Johnson’s graves as
laughter sounded behind her.

She rolled over and saw Danny and Art doubled over, laughing hysterically.

“You looked so funny… you shoulda seen how you looked!” they whooped. “Hey
Lacey, you know if you step on a grave, the ghost’ll haunt you that night. I
bet, since you fell flat on your front on two graves, the ghosts’ll both
haunt you for the rest of your life! And one of them was Mrs. Johnson’s
grave!” The two boys ran off, laughing, to join the rest of the boys in the
trees.

Lacey felt tears coming to her eyes. Her dress was spoiled, her pride was
hurt, and she was terrified of ghosts. She struggled to her feet and ran,
sobbing, back over to the church where Mary Jean’s mother helped her clean
up and tried to comfort her. “It’s all right, honey. Those boys were just
being mean. You just wait until church is over and their daddies catch up
with them. They’ll be the ones crying then. And I’ll tell your mama that
your dress isn’t your fault. Thank you for finding Mary Jean’s locket for
her.”

“But the ghosts…the ghosts. I fell all over their graves and they’ll haunt
me forever. The boys said so. I know they’re right. I’m scared!”

“Honey, that old story started so that you children wouldn’t step on the old
graves with rotten coffins and fall into them. We were told the same thing
when we were children, for the same reason. It’s okay, honey, nobody’s going
to haunt you.”

But Lacey wasn’t so sure. Jimmy’s older brother had stepped on a grave once
and the ghost had haunted him.

After Sunday dinner, Lacey went down the road to play with Ruth. Ruth hadn’t
been at church today because she had hurt her foot and couldn’t get her
Sunday shoes on. “You fell on Mrs. Johnson’s grave?” Ruth asked, her eyes
growing round. “Mrs. Johnson’s?”

“I didn’t mean to. Danny and Art pushed me and I fell on both of the
Parsons’ graves. They made me get a stain on my Sunday dress, too. They’re
mean.”

“Never mind the dress. You fell on Mrs. Johnson’s grave. Mr. Johnson’s might
not be so bad, but Mrs. Johnson’s is. She really is going to haunt you for
that.”

“It wasn’t my fault, though. Anyway, Mary Jean’s mother says that the
grown-ups only tell us that to keep us from falling through the graves with
rotten coffins.” Lacey was feeling a little bit uneasy again.

“Still, Mrs. Johnson won’t like it. You remember what happened when those
boys ate the blackberries that grew in the ditch by her house, don’t you.
Even though she was already dead, she cursed those blackberries and they had
belly-aches for two days!”

“They had belly-aches because they were greedy and ate too many, including
the ones that weren’t ripe yet. They were there all afternoon, eating. I saw
them. If you ask me, they deserved belly-aches! Anyhow, Mrs. Johnson is dead
and doesn’t like things or not like them.”

“Well, maybe, but she didn’t like anyone trespassing on her property when
she was alive and I bet that includes her grave now that she’s dead. You
better be careful tonight. I wouldn’t go outside after dark, if I were you.
Mrs. Johnson – well, I just hope she doesn’t decide to haunt you forever.”
Ruth shivered, and they went back to playing with their paper dolls.

It was almost dark when Lacey started home. Ruth’s mother had invited her to
dinner so she had stayed for that, and then she and Ruth were having so much
fun it seemed like it got late really fast.

Lacey tried to put the thoughts of Mrs. Johnson and her ghost right out of
her head, but that was easier said than done, especially when Ruth reminded
her right before she left, “Remember, look out for the ghost!”

Lacey started to be brave and walk up the road but then she changed her mind
and ran. She pelted along through the early twilight in the deep shadows
under the overhanging trees by the road. She was used to the big old oak
trees, with their twisted limbs and hanging grey moss, but tonight they
seemed sinister. Every shadow made her jump sideways and every little
rustling sound in the weeds by the road made her run faster. Even though she
was running, it seemed to take forever to get home, and the last of the
twilight vanished into night as she pounded up the back porch steps at home.

“Oh, there you are,” said Mama, as Lacey entered the warm, bright kitchen.
“I was going to send one of your brothers to walk you home after they were
done with their chores in the barn! Since you’re here, run to the barn and
let them know you got home already, and then help with the chores out there,
please.”

Lacey looked out at the dark and gulped, but she didn’t argue. That wouldn’t
do any good at all – it would just get her in trouble. She turned and went
slowly back out onto the porch. She looked around carefully before she took
off at top speed for the barn, running along the straightest and clearest
path she knew.

The barn itself was warmly lit by lanterns and was filled with the
comforting sounds of the animals and her brothers tending them. She pitched
in and helped feed and water the livestock, and all too soon the chores were
finished. Her brothers grabbed a lantern and they all walked back to the
house together. With her brothers and the lantern there, Lacey didn’t feel
nearly so frightened, even though the moon had come up and dark clouds were
floating across it. It was a little bit chilly in the early autumn night,
and a slight breeze made the moss draping the trees sway eerily. They walked
back to the house in silence.

When they reached the porch, one of her brothers turned to her and said, “So
it was Mrs. Johnson’s grave you fell on this morning, and her husband’s too!”
He grinned mischievously. “Bet they’ll haunt you forever, not just for one
night!”

The boys laughed and ran into the house, leaving her standing there on the
dark porch.

Now she was doubly worried. Even if real ghosts didn’t come to haunt her,
her brothers would be playing tricks on her. She sighed and followed them
into the warm kitchen. The boys tried to tease her about it later in the
evening, but Mama had put her foot down and Papa said he would tan the hide
of the first boy who tried to play a trick on her and scared her.

That night, after Mama had tucked her in and taken the oil lamp away with
her, Lacey lay uneasily in the dark bedroom. She was too young to be allowed
a light in her room at night – the old farmhouse was made of pine and would
go up like a bonfire if it ever caught fire. She hadn’t even bothered to
ask. Mama would tell her she was silly to be scared, anyway.

Her room, usually comfortable and familiar, seemed strange tonight. The
pictures on the walls all seemed to depict something sinister, and the
closet had strange shadows in it. A thump, thump, thump sounded on the wall
outside of the house. Was that a tree limb in the wind? Or a ghost? Lacey
squeezed her eyes shut and pulled the pillow over her head.

She must have fallen asleep, because the next thing she knew, Mama was
shaking her and saying, “Get up Lacey, it’s time to help with breakfast.”

When she opened her eyes and came out from under the covers, Mama was gone.
It was still dark out, but morning always came early, so she pulled on her
clothes and padded out of her room in her bare feet towards the stairs.

The boys weren’t stirring yet, and usually they were up first to get the
wood for the stove and water from the pump before they went out to the
barn. That was odd, but maybe Papa had been up early and done it instead. A
cool breeze brushed her face as she started down the stairs – Mama must have
left the windows open last night. She could hear noises downstairs, so she
knew Mama was already in the kitchen.

As she started down the stairs, she heard a thump behind her – the door to
her room had just swung shut. Lacey frowned, but decided that the breeze
must have done it. Feeling a little bit unsettled, she continued down the
stairs dodging the school books stacked along the sides where she and her
brothers had left them ready for the morning. Two steps from the bottom, she
tripped – one of the piles seemed to have moved right in front of her. She
grabbed the railing and caught herself, and when she looked back, the piles
were all where they were supposed to be, by the wall.

“Lacey!” came from the kitchen, and Lacey knew she better hurry. When she
passed the front door, the doorknob rattled. Her heart pounding, Lacey
dashed past it and into the front room. A warm glow came from an oil lamp on
the dining room table, but as soon as she stepped into the dining room, it
flickered and went out. She heard a tapping at the window and stopped, and
when she turned to look she saw a faintly glowing face hovering at the
window. It smiled at her, an evil, chilling smile showing pointed teeth, and
it was moving closer to the window pane. Lacey screamed and ran into the
kitchen. Mama’s back was to her and Lacey ran up to her and buried her face
in Mama’s skirt, crying.

Mama started to turn around, and then Lacey noticed that Mama’s skirt
smelled funny – not just funny, but bad, like dirt and rot. She jerked back
just as the figure turned and a chilling face looked down at her. Rotting
teeth showed behind shrunken lips and flesh pulled away from the dull eyes
showing the bony sockets around them. The lamp in the kitchen suddenly went
out.

“I don’t like trespassers. Good little girls stay off other people’s
property, now don’t they?”

The figure moved closer to Lacey and she backed up some more.

“I didn’t mean to…Danny and Art pushed me…I’m sorry…” Lacey stammered, tears
clogging her throat and her heart pounding. The clock in the front room
began striking the hour. Bong, bong, bong, bong…

“You thought I’d haunt you for the rest of your life, didn’t you? You were
right, you know, my dear. Where ever you go, I’ll be there, all the rest of
your life. Time doesn’t mean anything to me anymore.”… Bong, bong, bong,
bong…

Terrified, Lacey kept moving away from the looming figure.

“On the other hand, if you want to visit me so much that you’re crawling on
my grave, maybe you should come with me.” A horrible smile split the thing’s
face. The figure moved closer to Lacey again as she backed into the pantry.
Lacey could smell the decay coming from the figure… Bong, bong, bong, bong…
Midnight.

Sobbing, Lacey bumped into the flour barrel just as the clock stopped
chiming and the figure reached out for her. A bony hand gripped her shoulder
and she screamed.

“Lacey! Lacey!” The hand on her shoulder shook her hard. “Miss Lacey!”
Lacey opened her eyes and stared back at the worried face of the young
nurse’s aide.

“Miss Lacey, are you all right? That must have been a bad one!” the young
woman was clearly concerned.

“You’re new, aren’t you?” Lacey answered, sighing and shaking her head.
“It’s just the same nightmare I’ve had every night for the last seventy-five
years of my life, ever since I was ten years old. You’d think I’d be used to
it by now, but every night it hits me like it did the first time.”

“Seventy-five years?” The nurse was incredulous. “Surely something could be
done…”

“No, dear, Mrs. Johnson said she’d haunt me for the rest of my life and she
meant it. Mrs. Johnson never said anything she didn’t mean,” Lacey said to
the puzzled aide. The little clock Lacey kept by the bed beeped the hour and
she glanced at it. It was midnight.

Lacey looked back to the aide. Her eyes widened, and she blanched. Over
the young woman’s shoulder Lacey could see a bony figure with the rotting
teeth and shriveled flesh. It was smiling at her from behind the aide and it
reached out to her with a bony hand.

“Are you ready to come visit me now? I think it’s time.”

-She Wolf (c) 2007

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In the town of Bury, Washington there is a street named Fatal Lane.

The Planning Department in Bury changed it’s name to the less obvious name of 51st Ave West because there were always accidents or underage drinking or people in gray and black robes drawing pentagrams and runes on the trees and then someone did something to Mrs. Machin’s cat Darwin that snapped  Bury’s last nerve.

Darwin came home one Halloween with a pentagram shaved onto the top of his head and Mrs. Machin took Darwin, her shotgun and about a dozen angry pet lovers to the next City Council meeting and she spoke for about 15 minutes on those ” Looney Tunes ” from Seattle coming out to Bury to look for ghosts.

At that point she launched into a long and colorful speech about the lack of mental health care in our health care system and how that would be responsible for ending the world, as we know it.

Then Adeen launched into a speech about going Green.

It’s not like the Council could stop her from talking because she’d called ahead and had herself put on the agenda. And nobody in Bury was going to try and pull that gun out of her hands because it was loaded.

As a matter of fact it was always loaded

Everyone in Bury knew you could end up with a backside full of shot for no other reason then Adeen was trigger happy and she had a very bad tempter. Even a few ‘ Looney Tunes’ from Seattle learned that fact the hardway.

To placate Mrs. Machin, because at one point instead of waving Darwin around she waved the gun around and blew a hole in the ceiling a motion to recommend the street of Fatal Lane be renamed 51st Ave West was made and passed by the City Council.

” And what purpose will that serve? ” Mrs. Machin asked with gun firmly in hand.

” Well Adeen, it’s not likely that those Ghost Hunter TV shows are going to want to waste air time talking about 51st Ave West and it’s high traffic fatality rate are they?” asked one Councilman.

One of the Councilwomen said from under the table, ” they’ll end up sounding like a traffic report on the five o’clock news Adeen. It’s that darned name that makes it sound Supernatural. Fatal Lane. Who was the Mental Defective that gave it that name anyway?”

” It was your Grandfather Marisol. And get up off the floor would you?” the Mayor said as he rubbed his forehead.

” Look Adeen, we’ll Fatal  turn it into a one way one lane street. Nobody will be able to park out there and you know how ticket happy…. I mean diligent our Officers are about traffic enforcement. It’s a start, all right? ”

Adeen Machin stared up at the hole in the ceiling and then she spit some plaster out of her mouth. ” Fine, but if Darwin or anyone else’s pet gets abused again 51st Ave goes back to being Fatal Lane…. do we have an agreement?”

Somebody from in back of the room made a motion to Adeen’s proposal.

And it passed.

51st Ave W turned up on Maps and Fatal Lane disappeared and then stories new stories about a lost road in the town of Bury that spirits used to travel to the next world turned up.

That same year Darwin came home, two days before Halloween with a goat’s head drawn onto his side with White Out.

On Halloween Mrs. Machin and her friends went out to Fatal Lane and waited for ” those loonies ” to show up.

Mrs. Machin was the first to step out onto the road and when the robed figures saw the all five foot nothing of Mrs. Machin they tried, to their credit, not to laugh.

Only when the five foot nothing Mrs. Machin held Darwin up they did laugh and the rest of Mrs. Machin’s friends came from the shadows the laughter…. died.

” So tell me, educate me please ” Adeen said in a low roar ” why you lot insist on coming up here and tormenting us for every damned Halloween.”

” This road is a path to the next world, it’s cursed, and that’s why people disappear from here- never to be seen again.”

Adeen practically choked ” Are you out of your minds?” This road doesn’t go into the next world; this road leads straight to the back door of Fallen Prison. That’s why they call it Fatal Lane you numbskulls. This is the road the Prison uses to transport the condemned on.”

 No it’s not, ” said a young woman who forgot to speak through clenched teeth these returning her voice to its naturally sounding shrill state. ” Fallen is shut down, there aren’t any executions going on out there.”

Adeen raised her shotgun to her shoulder. ” Guess again…okay people let’s go.”

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Jane said she expected to see a ghost in the steeple.  Take another look, Jane.   It’s Mrs. Parsons!    🙂

 

Lori Gloyd (c) 2007

by Lori

It’s all a matter of perspective……….

Lori Gloyd (c) 2007

by imogen 

Something occurred to me from looking at Anita Marie’s graphics.  It appears the old mansions seem to make the best spaces for ghosts.  We have some in the area, and though they are inhabited, some of them still look spooky, especially the grand Victoriana styles and early Edwardian. 

Do old castles all look haunted, or seem suitably haunted?  Modern places, even when they are empty, don’t have that special charm.  What is it about these homes?  Or not homes?  Does a house have to be old to be haunted?

Often it is said that theatres are haunted, and there is always a story to go with it.  And not just one, check out the link — Imogen Crest

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